did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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