turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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