Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
