Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
