Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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