She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
