thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
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