What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
