You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
