Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
