This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
