question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
