I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
