Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
