this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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