My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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