You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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