oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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