man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
