I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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