Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
