Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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