lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
