I hate your face
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
