hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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