I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
