dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
