I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
