The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
