I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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