Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
