She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
