I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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