Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
