M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
