once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
