just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
