Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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