apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
