I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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