Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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