She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Rumble strips road head = magical
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
