I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
