They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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