Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
