so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
