So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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