Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
