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what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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