two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Two words: blizzard sex
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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